You Will Quit After One Mile

It is an amazing world we live in today. Between the technology of the internet, smart phones and social media we can easily keep up with the world around us. What a blessing it is to be so connected with something bigger than ourselves.

However, all new technologies come with their own share of struggles. When the automobile was invented, the new technology allowed us to traverse distances faster than we could before. The automobile came with it's own dangers; we made seat belts, air bags, anti-lock brakes and a whole slew of other safety features, albeit over a few years and a lot of casualties (mostly to testing dummies.) But we move forward and make the technology safer everyday. The same goes for this new frontier that is the internet, and by the same token, social media. No, I am not begrudging that today's generation won't feel the sun's rays on their face. In fact, there are plenty of self-helpers out there that offer all sorts of nifty tricks to protect our children on the internet. I merely want to highlight some short comings of us flawless adults. 

Mommy wars. Rumors. Narcissism. Privacy intrusions. Bullying. Stress. Lack of feelings of accomplishment. Time taken away from pursuing accomplishments. Over sharing. These are big kid, grown up problems. As great as it is to have such a large outreach, it certainly comes at a cost. When you put yourself out there, immediately, there are those who pick away at every error and mistake they find. Every single one of them, whether they are really there or not.

Half-way through my senior year in high school, I was put on truancy. My mom had to come in and meet with my counselor and assistant principal, without me in the room for the first half of the meeting. They told her that if I missed more than five days of school between then and the end of the year that they would take her to court. We tried to explain that I had a chronic condition; we offered my diagnosis and prescriptions, anything to show them what was going on. They dismissed it all. My mom and I found it ludicrous that they would punish her for my schooling, she wasn't the one enrolled, was she? We decided to sign me out of school. I'm a high school dropout, and I didn't mind. I never even ordered my cap and gown at the beginning of the year (oops.) I immediately went to get my GED through Stevens-Henager. I was so proud of my scores that I took them back to show my tutor, who then proceeded to take me through the school to show everyone how well I had done. 

RUCKER, SYLVEE MARIE Battery Average: 714 Status: PASSED

Version: GED 2002 Center Language Date Form Standard Score Percentile Rank Language Arts, Writing Utah Valley University English 3/27/2012 ID 750 99 Social Studies Utah Valley University English 3/27/2012 ID 600 84 Science Utah Valley University English 3/27/2012 ID 710 98 Language Arts, Reading Utah Valley University English 3/27/2012 ID 800 99 Mathematics Utah Valley University English 3/27/2012 ID 710 98

These are my scores, I share them with you for a purpose. I got my high school diploma before the rest of my class even printed their graduation announcements. I was so proud of myself. But then I was suddenly torn down. I was told, repeatedly, over the course of a couple weeks by one particular person how they were graduating and walking, and how I wasn't. Keep in mind that this person, I know for a fact, got his diploma on, at best, a D average. But he was walking and I wasn't. Also enjoy the fact that I had to cover his shift at work, last minute, because apparently to get your diploma you don't have to have to foresight to, heaven forbid, write your own graduation off. Or ask someone to cover your shift a week earlier when the schedule came out. But the Lord knows, he was so much more clever than me because he walked. And I didn't. 

It was such a small voice, and one I didn't care too much for, but it got under my skin somehow. It was all I could hear in that moment. Were my accomplishments nothing? Did my perfect score in reading mean nothing if I didn't walk across that stage? I wasn't remorseful, and I don't regret my decisions, but for some reason it knocked me down momentarily. Why did such a small voice shake me?

After finding our sweet little blessing that is our daughter, Jack and I decided to have a natural birth. My sister helped me sign up for a Hypnobabies course with a beautifully strong and brilliant woman named Jamie. We were so proud of our decision. But then the voices came. "Oh, that's going to be really tough for you." "Just wait, once you go into labor you'll be BEGGING for an epidural." "I wouldn't do that, I would get an epidural right when you get to the hospital." We shook. People told me I was crazy; people still tell me I'm crazy for wanting a natural birth. They ask me if I hated myself for making that decision. We continued our course. The voices started asking if we were having a boy or a girl. We had decided to wait until the baby was born so that Jack could tell everyone "It's a ___!" We were so proud of our decision. Still the voices said, "You won't know what clothes to buy." "You can just tell me, I'll keep the secret." "Just let the doctor tell me so I know what to buy." We shook a bit more; but we smiled and said, "We love surprises." 

I labored naturally until my cervix began to swell, I chose an epidural over a cesarean section. I hit the button maybe twice. I continued my Hypnobabies techniques. I pushed like a champ and there she was, bright eyed and perfect. I was able to breast feed her, and she latched on quickly. Even when the voices said, "You won't be able to breast feed her long, you'll give up soon enough." "It's just too hard."

Why? What on earth would compel you to say those things to a pregnant woman, or a new mother? Why would you seek after her to tear her down? Why would you tell her that she couldn't do it? Poor Kate got a whole mess of people picking at her desire for a natural birth. Why, especially as a woman who has already experienced child birth, would you tell another woman that she can't do it unless she does it the way you did? 

Some friends of our recently got married and are expecting a bouncing baby boy any day now. They are the sweetest couple and they love each other so much. I'm so excited for them and so happy that they're starting their family. After their wedding, he updated his status to reflect the joy he felt knowing that he could be with the love of his life for eternity. While Jack was at work and talking to another friend of his this status came up in their discussion. As they were talking about it his friend said something about how the status made him laugh and THEN had the audacity to say that he was thinking of commenting "What, did you get married in the temple?" 

I can't even wrap my head around this statement; it seriously makes my blood boil. I'm amazed that someone can even have that thought about someone else. This is certainly not a comment made by a humble and modest person. This wasn't something you would hear Jesus say. This wasn't a comment made out of love, or kindness, or any good feeling at all.

When we make these comments, whether in person or behind the protection of the internet, we actively try to knock others down. Sometimes, these things are just our opinion and we don't think about what we're really saying. A wise woman once said that it's like telling someone who wants to run a marathon that they will quit after one mile. That they will start the race and then be begging for the pace car to carry them the rest of the way. I certainly couldn't run a marathon, and I probably would be the one on the pace car crying after 50 feet, but I couldn't imagine telling my mom that she couldn't finish her race. Why do we, as logically thinking and mature adults, do this to each other?

We struggle through mommy wars. Any picture you post of your child is swimming with the evidence of your short-comings. People are quick to jump on the fact that when you snapped the picture of your baby in their new car seat that the chest strap isn't nearly high enough. And no, I'm not talking about a quick, kind reminder. I'm talking full-fledged, abusive language, "how dare you...!" comments that are malicious and cruel. We feel the pressure to throw bigger and better parties, buy bigger and better gifts, have bigger and better trophies and have an overall bigger and better life. We're shamed when our children aren't wearing THE clothes, THOSE shoes or THAT backpack. You catch looks of disgust when your 5-year old is aware of his "penis." You catch looks of pity when your 14-year old gets pregnant because you didn't teach her about sex. Oh boy, those dirty words! At any rate, you're not mommy-ing right, and those voices will let you know in whispers and shouts.

We deal with cyber-bullying, from adults and children alike. We fight in vein against quick sweeping and damaging rumors spread through social media. Narcissism gets a chance to rear its head through "selfies" and over-sharing. Our self-confidence takes a hit when pictures of the ideal girlfriend show up on our newsfeed, and we realize that our boobs may not touch the wall before our nose does. We get stuck in a permanent game of catch-up with those with perfect internet lives.We dedicate all of our time to the internet to prove our worthiness to the social media gods. We sacrifice time with our families so we can keep up with our internet image.

Our children are subjected to a hyper-exposed world, and that's okay. So long as we teach them that sometimes, you will be shaken. But as long as your roots are strong, there is no billowing wind that can knock you down. We show them through example how to be patient, kind, loving and humble individuals who support each other in our endeavors. We can teach them moderation and balance in their lives. We can show them that the immortality of the internet is not worth their mortal lives. We can hug them tight, show them love, and let them know that our arms are always open.

You can't take the internet with you.