MPs. They Don't Matter As Much As You Want Them To.

I will start by saying this: I was born and raised in the LDS religion. I absolutely love my faith and it brings me joy. I love having the Gospel and its blessings in my life. However, I don't always love the people that I come in contact with as a result of "Utah County culture."

You know, Utah Mormons.

Utah County, Utah Mormons.

We hear about it all the time, but you never realize how off-putting they are until you're suddenly the outcast. I've gone to church my whole life and have, what I think, is a very strong and beautiful testimony of my Lord and his teachings. But, despite my personal love of the gospel, I don't get admittance into the club. Why? Because I don't have enough MPs.

MPs are what I call Mormon Points. If you don't have as much or more than everybody else, then you are a poor excuse for a human being. As much as I hate it, it hurts. I understand why people turn away from the church. It's, usually, not out of malice or rebellion. They turn away because they've been turned away. It hurts me to know that they are losing such a beautiful blessing in their lives because of the imperfection of people. Humans who are flawed. All of us; every single last one of us.

So what MPs could you be missing that could dismiss you from the club? Well, first things first.

Missions. Missions are great ways for young men and women to strengthen themselves and experience a culture different than their own. However, not everyone should go on a mission. If you have to lie to your bishop or stake president to go on a mission, you should probably work on yourself a bit before you start working on other people. If you're simply going to appease the wishes or expectations of your parents/friends/dying grandmother, you're probably not going to learn much or have an enjoyable experience. Missions have shifted from a personal experience for growth and knowledge to a social necessity if you ever want to get married.

Temple marriage. They are beautiful and wonderful things. I treasure the experience I had getting sealed to my family and it was a beautiful and awe-inspiring experience. However, being married in the temple is a bit of a moot point if, once again, you have to lie to your bishop or stake president to get your recommend. Temple worthiness is not just a phrase to toss around. If you have to "get it all out of our systems" before you go talk to your bishop, maybe you should just get married civilly so you don't have to feel guilty about the premarital sex that you're already having. It is gut-wrenching to know that there are those who take such a solemn and spiritual event and turn it into a social check point. It's also disheartening to think of all the couples that rush to the temple so that they can have a sex life without the social black marks. And it kills me to watch couples struggle with a marriage they didn't think through because they were relying on the fact that they got married in the temple to make all of their marital woes disappear. I'm sorry kids, but I've said it before. It doesn't matter if you wait until you're 25, until you have Bachelor's degrees, until you do a rain dance next to a burning spider, or even until you get married in the temple; the divorce rate is 50%. Their is no magical thing you can do to guarantee your marriage, and that includes getting married in the temple.

While we're on the topic of marriage, we'll include the MP of marriage to a man/woman who is a member. Also included is converting, preferably immediately, your spouse should they not be a member. If you marry a man outside of the religion, you better convert him and give him the Priesthood ASAP, because God only cares that he holds the Priesthood despite his Friday/Saturday night habits. This is where I have a giant black mark across my entire face. When I go to church with just me and Ivory, I see you whisper to your wife. I can feel you staring at me. And no, your sympathetic "Oh honey." look you give me in Sunday School actually doesn't make me feel better. Quite frankly, I feel just fine so keep your snarky comments to yourself and pick your jaw up off the floor.

Naturally, there are bonus MPs for converting someone's spouse for them. So it's perfectly acceptable to show up at their house at 9 pm with the sister missionaries from their ward while they may or may not be getting it on since they hardly see each other during the week. Just invite yourself in. They love that.

Don't forget all the MPs you rack up when your children go on missions, so be sure to buy their willingness with promise of rewards. Then the extra bonus MPs you get when your now returned missionary gets married in the temple two weeks after they get home from their missions. Plus you earn a temporary MP multiplier when you graduate to bishop by hosting every ward event ever at your home. You get MPs for inviting your neighbor to church activities, or offering to take their children to church even when you have no children of your own. It's not even creepy because you're buying your way into Jesus Town!

And I never even realized how bad it was until I was thrown from the club for not having enough points. It doesn't matter that I love my husband and support him in anything and everything he does. It doesn't matter that I sacrifice sleep to make his morning coffee or stay up all night with him the day before his deployment. Because I clearly don't love him enough to bully him into thinking my way with guilt trips or threatening his status with me by macking out on some poor RM. It doesn't matter that I work my butt off for my daughter to have everything she could ever dream of. It doesn't matter that I am kind and loving and understanding of her. Because I don't love her enough to tell her I'll disown her if she moved out with her boyfriend or throw chairs at her until she finally submits to what I want her to do. I'm not a worthy mother or wife because I haven't bullied my family into putting those fake smiles on every morning and pretending that they've never made a mistake in their lives.

Somehow because of my lack of MPs, I'm no longer eligible for "The Lord's Full Blessing" which I assume is some desperate attempt to find something wrong with someone who disagrees with you.

Unfortunately, I don't mind being the black sheep. I will give up all my MPs, yes, even the life time membership ones, to be the best mother, wife and person I could possibly be. Because I know that they, just like money, don't go with you. And I know that you are all intelligent, loving, gentle and kind enough to feel the same.

So before you say or do anything, stop, and think about how it will effect who you're talking about or talking to. All of your MPs might just scare them away from their own beautiful experience.