The Big News

So, our family and close friends all know the big news.

No, I'm not pregnant.

But hopefully, someone will be pregnant soon. Last year, in January, I became a registered egg donor. Around April I was notified that a couple in Colorado was considering me and another donor; they ended up choosing the other donor. It wasn't until October that I was notified again. But this time it was different; I wasn't on alert that the couple had to finish deciding, they had already picked me. 

I absolutely love them with everything I am. I have no idea who they are, what they look like or what kind of car they drive. I don't know what they do for work, who their parents are, or who their best friends are. In fact, the only things I really know about them is what fertility center they go to, the doctor they see and that they live in Canada. That's really it. But I already feel like I've known them forever. 

So, why egg donation? Well, short answer, I'm not old enough to be a surrogate, yet. I know the joy that Ivory brings to us and it breaks my heart to know that there are people out there who long to have children of their own, and that they simply can't. In Utah, the law says you have to be twenty-one to be a surrogate. It was after I found this crushing news that I began my research. Could I carry for someone out of state where the law says I'm old enough? No. Could I move temporarily to a state where I could do it? No. I searched and searched until I found a California based company called Extraordinary Conceptions; a place that helps intended parents find surrogates, and egg donors. While I wasn't, and am still not, old enough to be a surrogate, I was old enough to donate my eggs. So, extremely excited I talked to Jack. He was also extremely excited. So I went through the process of becoming a registered egg donor.

What does this mean now? Well, we've already done rounds of blood work, the removal of my Mirena IUD (great story by the way,) had a couple ultrasounds, received our passports to travel to Toronto, underwent a psychological evaluation, and muscled through legal work. Throughout all of these events I'm so filled with love for this couple and what they are doing. I love them for their struggles, for their hardships, and for their desire to bring a child into this world. Not just any child, their child.

Of those who have known about this, I've received a lot of questions; I'm sure that I'll receive many more. I've been asked if it's going to be weird to know that I have a child in another country who is being raised by someone else. Well, short answer, not even a little bit. The fact of the matter is that this child will not be mine, not even remotely. This child is, and has always been and will always be, the child of my IPs. I'm only helping them to bring into this life what is already their kin. I'm so grateful to be given the opportunity to be apart of a new life.

I've been asked who this couple is that I'm donating to. I have no idea, as I've said. Egg donation, like sperm donation, is an anonymous process. I have given a statement that should the IPs want to meet us, we would absolutely love to know them! However, if they ask to have an anonymous donation, that is what it will be.

Because of the timing of this and other life events, sadly, Jack won't be able to accompany me on this trip (but hopefully, he will be able to in the future!) I'm very fortunate to have a wonderful mother-in-law who is willing to take the time to go with me so we can continue our cycle. I'm very blessed to have such an amazing family! This is a huge undertaking for us and I will be sad to not have my husband physically next to me; he sacrifices so much to serve others, he's a truly humble and caring soul! However, I'm so grateful that I have so much support from him and others that I know I will not be alone going through this procedure. Knowing that he will still be supporting me from the other side of the globe is such a beautiful comfort to have, and one I will endlessly be humbled and grateful for!

Basically, this is our big news. We're helping a family become whole; bringing a child to their parents. It's exciting! It's fun! And it will be an incredibly grand adventure.

Please, don't be shy if you're curious or wondering. I would love to answer any questions or explain aspects of this process!

When Are You Going to Have Number Two?

Jack and I are frequently asked, "When are you going to have number two?" This is usually answered with a half-hearted, "Oh, we're working on it!" Or something along those lines. What I want to scream is, "NEVER! So, stop asking."

I know that it is a completely harmless question, so I don't hold any resentment to those who ask. Sometimes I just wish I could take people by the shoulders and make them understand how badly I want Ivory to be an only child. Is this a selfish desire? Oh yes, entirely. I almost can't handle the thought of another child. Not because I wouldn't love them, but because I want to protect them from being precisely that, number two.

I am terrified to have a number two. I'm heartbroken to think that I could cause someone the pain of being number two. I couldn't bear bringing a beautiful spirit into this world, just to have them live their life in the shadow of someone else.

I am a number two.

I actually feel more like a number 6, but I know that I'm a number two. I can't handle the thought of my child growing up and feeling the way I do. That, to me, is more selfish than keeping Ivory an only child.

When you have a child, there is an instant, deep, intimate and emotional bond that you form with them. There's nothing you wouldn't do for them, no challenge you wouldn't overcome for them; and in a way it cripples your ability to be a parent. You become a friend. It's one of the easiest parenting mistakes to make, and I'm terrified that I will make it. You gain a unique friendship with your oldest child, and every subsequent child becomes, you guessed it, number two.

When you're number two, you're never as much, or as good, as number one. Your accomplishments aren't nearly as impressive, and your mistakes are less pardonable. There comes a point when the friendship that was formed long before you existed is more important. The big moments in your life aren't as big, because someone else has already done them; and any big moment in your that hasn't already been done becomes a constant guilt trip. How could you have the audacity to usurp the greatness that came before you?

The reality is, I'm terrified that I won't be able to give a second child the love, the attention, and the treatment they deserve. There are so many wonderful mothers that have so many children who are all dearly loved. I am in awe of them. I worry that I can't do what they can. When it comes down to it, I'm sure that we will have at least one more child. But, I'm also sure that it won't be anytime soon. So, you may ask us as much as you want when we'll bring another sweet spirit into this world, and I will smile every time. I know that now isn't the time, and I know that we will have many more changes in our lives before that time comes. As it is now, I'm not ready, Ivory isn't ready, Jack's not ready, and our little boo isn't ready to come to Earth yet. For a baby is never late, nor is he ever early, but rather, he arrives precisely when he means.