Why It's Not Going to Kill You to Learn Some New Tricks in the Bedroom

SEX.

There, I said it. Now there is no confusion on what the rest of this post is about.

So why am I talking about this vulgar subject? For a lot of reasons, really. And the first reason being just that; sex is not a vulgar act. In fact, it was designed by God himself for our use to aid in our repopulating and replenishing of the Earth. If it weren't for sex, you probably wouldn't be here right now. Just take that one in.

What sex is, is an act of love and intimacy that you share selflessly with your partner. It's such a big display of love that it is a huge cornerstone in a healthy relationship. I would dare say that it is a vital instrument in our lives that will save our relationships time and time again. No, I don't say this because I'm a shallow, sex-crazed freak. It's simply because I understand how important it is in my marriage.

I will go ahead and blame my mother for that. I was raised with the belief that intimacy is a vital part of your relationship with your significant other. And it shows. My mom and step-dad are crazy about each other after fourteen years of marriage. Why? Because their intimacy is so strong; and a little bit gross. There have been many a morning where I was subject to my step-dad grabbing my mom's butt while calling her "Big Mama." Sure, it drove us all from the room, but it's also a driving point to their love and friendship with each other.

I watched my mom be completely selfless when it came to intimacy with her spouse. There were many a time where I was subject to, "Come here. Let me show you what I got your step-dad for his birthday." This was followed by a brief montage of nakkie book pictures. Seriously mom? Yes, seriously. And what she shared wasn't vulgar, it was beautiful. What we witnessed was a strong, confident, empowered woman giving the gift of her beauty to the one person in the world that she could never live without. She was always proud of the way she looked, and he would always praise her on her accomplishments.

After watching so much love for years, I was able to show my sweet husband my love for him through the same kind of gift. Do I feel guilty? Absolutely not! The weeks I spent before worrying about my belly fat, my frizzy hair and my extremely weird, too pointy chin were completely washed away when I saw the look of love and appreciation in my husband's eyes when I showed him his Valentine's Day present. I'm so proud of myself for getting up the courage to immortalize my less than perfect self in a gift to my spouse. Why? Because when I see that look in his eyes, I know that even though I'm not a supermodel to the rest of the world, I am a supermodel to my whole world. Yes, I do have to get out of bed to do my workouts. Yes, I have to spend ridiculous amounts of time to do my hair and make up. Yes, I have to waste time shopping for that perfect outfit. And it's not because my husband doesn't love me the way I am. It's actually quite the opposite. It's because I love my husband so dearly that I take time out of my day to think about him. It's because I love that look of "WOW!" that I get when I get dressed up. It's because I know he smiles when guys give me the double-take or when they drive next to us on the freeway so their buds can check me out. It's because, even though he thinks I'm perfect first thing in the morning with my hair sticking five feet in the air and no make up on, I know how much he appreciates my consideration of him.

Because of my upbringing, it's no secret that when it comes to sex, our family is very open to talking about it. Is it awkward? Well, only if you're not comfortable with sex. As it is, I don't mind sitting in a room of my mom's friends while they tell stories about their escapades in front of their door-sized mirrors in their bedroom, because "people already got their bi-noculurs out, Imma give 'em something to look at!" Why is it that these people after YEARS of marriage still act like newlyweds that can't keep their hands off of each other?

They're always learning new tricks, and they're open to new experiences. Your intimacy is what you make it, and if you don't take the time out of your day to care for it, you'll wake up one day and it'll be gone with your dog and your coffee table. I read a study recently that showed that those who put their spouse first, before everything, before their careers and their personal wants, are more successful than those who have affairs with their jobs. Turns out sex is a bigger deal than you thought, huh? So what can you do to put the spark back into your passion?

Discover that it's okay to say "Yes." There were, and still are, some "No."s that I gave my husband. When you don't change things up, they get stagnant. Then mosquitoes move in and everybody's itching for something else. I had to let some of those "No."s go, and they turned into some pretty awesome "Yes."s.

Get a new wardrobe. A new pair of jeans will probably bring out the better butt in you, but a new pair of stockings will make his jaw drop. It's okay to dress sexy! And it's even okay to wear high heels in the bed. You don't even have to spend one hundred dollars on some little piece, I'm sure you'll have him by just wearing his favorite team's jersey. While you're out on your date, sneak him a peek at that new bra. But just a little peek, you want to keep him guessing for a while!

Don't pout when you catch him looking at another girl. He's not doing it because he wants someone else, he's doing it because he's thinking about how you'd look if you were dressed like her or did your hair like hers. Don't distance yourself, bust your way in there girl! Take him for a ride. If you catch him checking out another girls butt, give him your input. It'll throw him through a loop and create a fun game for the two of you. Before you know it, he'll be asking YOU, "What do you think?" He might even be swayed to only looking at other girls if you look at them first.

Surprise him! They love nothing more than waking up to some play time, I'll leave it at that.

Accept the role of bedroom accessories in your life. There are plenty of things to aid with your play time, and who knows? Maybe you'll find a little gem that tickles your fancy!

Above all: Just have fun! Don't make him feel like it's an obligation for you to spend some intimate time with him. The sexiest thing you can do is show him that he makes you smile and sets your world on fire. They buy us flowers, chocolates, jewelry, trinkets and dinner. The least we can give back is some uninhibited intimate time to show them our appreciation for all they do!

At the end of your life time together, it's all those quiet moments that you'll look back on and smile. It's in those quiet moments that you expose your whole self to them, and that you show them just how much you trust them. In those quiet moments is where intimacy and deep, unconditional love makes its home.

Don't put your intimacy on the back burner, show them that they really are front and center in your life.

One Woman Can

A couple weeks ago, I can't even remember when exactly, a young woman who was probably a bit older than me came through the drive through. She ordered a couple items and proceeded to hand me a debit card. I ran the card multiple times, but the connection wouldn't go through and it kept declining. I gave her card back and explained to her what happened. It wasn't much, like $4 or something silly like that, so I took my own debit card out of my pocket and paid the check.

I handed her the receipt after it printed, and she asked if her card had finally gone through. I told her that it hadn't and that I had just used my own card. She seemed a little surprised, and then started insisting that she would run to the ATM really quick and pay me back. Then I did something super weird.

I looked her in the eyes and said, "Sometimes things happen to us that are out of our control, and when they do we just want people to understand. All I want you to do is have a good day, that's how you can pay me back." I gave her her food, smiled, and said goodbye. I told Jack about it, but I ultimately forgot about the whole thing.

Last week, while I was working, the same woman came in with her significant other, ordered some food and then went outside while he sat down. She came back in with a small black bag with Mary Kay written on it in pink. She called me by name and gave it to me. She expressed gratitude for what I had done when she had come in previously. It really made my whole day and I couldn't stop smiling.

When I got home later I opened the bag and found this:

It's a make-up compact from Mary Kay's line of One Woman Can products. It is about how one woman can change millions of lives through kindness and service to others.

I guess the whole thing is that a woman is a jewel that causes ripples in the lives of others. Hence the little yellow jewel in the corner of the compact and the ripples that are caused because of it.

She had hand written me a note thanking me for making ripples in her life. She remembered my name because of a small random act of charity.

I guess this is the part where I plug in some line about how we should be more charitable or something, but that's not necessarily what I want to point out.

My plug is actually about accepting the service and charitable acts that others offer to us. If no one accepted the service of others, service would be halted. Not because of the unwillingness to give it, but to accept it. My mother always taught us to accept the service of others. She grew up in a large family and often went without. Their friends and neighbors frequently offered aid and services to help them through difficult times. My mom once asked my grandpa if he was embarrassed that everyone offered things to his family first because they knew that they would need it. He told her no, because if he wasn't willing to accept the service of others, who would they show their kindness and compassion to?

Jack's grandpa Charlie always gave me a twenty dollar bill every time he saw me. Jack always felt some guilt to be accepting money from his grandpa, but I had to remind him of what it really was. It was the only service that Charlie could offer us. He couldn't help us move heavy furniture or watch Ivory on date night. It was all he had left to offer, and he offered it out of love. He always told me, "For the baby." And did he ever love miss Ivory! After all, she is his baby!

So here's my plug. Accept the genuine love and compassion offered to you by those around you. Accept it graciously and humbly. Say thank you and express gratitude. Smile. Remember that you are not a superhero and you cannot do it all. You are flawed by the grace of God, and surrounded by those who will boost you up to your full potential. If you don't accept the service of others, who will?