Life... And Death. Why?

Our life was turned a little upside-down Friday morning. We lost our Grandpa Charlie; it still hasn't completely sunk in. In such a short time there are already so many memories. What are we going to do without him here? 

We were just barely too late to say "I love you" one last time. I keep thinking that maybe, if one thing had just gone different. Just one thing. I just have to keep reminding myself, at least I was able to meet him; at least he was able to be here to see Jack earn his uniform; at least he was here to see Jack and me get married; at least he was here to meet Ivory and see her get blessed.

 

The first time I met Grandpa Charlie was last Christmas. 

At our wedding he parked himself right by the door to greet everyone that was coming in. There was a line going out the door because he talked to everyone so much and for so long; all we could do was watch! He danced any time he could get himself to his feet; he would play his harmonica for the children. He told us that he was an entertainer; his whole family was entertainers!

 Grandpa Charlie always found himself a couple of pretty girls to listen to his stories.

He loved our little Ivory. He always said that she was his "kid" and that she was beautiful.

Grandpa Charlie always said he got Jack into the military, and asked him every time he saw him, "You got those bars yet?"




















How can we say goodbye to Grandpa Charlie? I still don't know if we can. But at least he is with the love of his life again; at least he is happy. We love you Charlie!

Busy.

Who knew being an adult made your life so... busy? When am I even supposed to sleep? There is so much to be done, and it always feels like it all needed to be done yesterday.

There's this list. You know: graduate high school, go to college, get a career, get married, have a family, then... who knows what then. Whatever "then" entails, I still needed to get it done yesterday. Can't I just finish college already since I started it? When will I get a career? A good one to support my family with, to build my dream house with, and tour the world on. Do I have to enter a secret code? And why didn't I enter that code yesterday?

Life just feels rushed. We have a plan in place, doesn't that mean it can happen already? Can't I graduate from school yet? Can't Jack finish his school yet? Am I retired yet? Is it time to die yet? I feel like everyday is slipping through my fingers, I just can't catch it fast enough. Where is all my time?

My sweet princess just keeps growing, no matter how much I try to make her shrink again. How is she going to see her mommy when she turns one? Where are all my successes that I can show her? All the things I can't buy for her, all the pictures that I'm too slow to catch?

Am I an awful mom because I'm so dang busy? I can only pray that she won't notice all my short comings.