Lessons Learned from My Husband: Another Letter

My Sweet Little Miss,

The world is full of hurt, bad decisions and let downs; but it is not all bad. One day you will be swept off your feet and begin a new adventure in the safety of your own home. I'd like to say that it'll be in the arms of a gentleman like your father, but you never know anymore, so just as long as it's in the arms of someone like your father. It is tricky to find them, I promise you that. You will have to go through a lot of losers. A lot. But that's how you'll know what qualities you truly value in your significant other. I wouldn't appreciate your daddy nearly as much as I do if it weren't for all of those losers making him look like a super hero!

Marriage is hard. It's not a secret and I hope it's not a surprise. The reason why fairytales end at the wedding is because they don't want to scar little girls by showing them that Cinderella and her Prince argue over who spends more money. Living with someone else sucks. It sucks so much.

So Lesson 1: He will fart in bed. He will do it every night. You will always be right there, and he will do it anyway.

Lesson 2: He will eat his stupid snacks in your bed and he will get crumbs everywhere. Don't let him fool you, there will be crumbs and they will magically only appear on your side of the bed. If he tells you that the crumbs won't get everywhere he's lying!

Lesson 3: If there isn't a waste basket nearby, he will probably drop garbage on the ground. I'll just leave it at that.

Lesson 4: When he gets sick you will need to do everything, except maybe breathe, for him. You might have to help him breathe too though, so don't get your hopes up.

Lesson 5: When you get sick, you will still need to make his breakfast and do the house work. I don't know why that's how it works, but apparently that's how it works.

Lesson 6: You will occasionally be so irritated with him that even his breathing will offend you. In fact, every little thing he does will probably bring you to the edge at some point in your marriage.

Lesson 7: It's okay. It is okay that you might get mad, get annoyed or burst out in anger while you may or may not be on your period. It sucks to say, but you will disagree. And it's okay. What's not okay is name-calling, disrespect or bringing up any painful moments from the past. From either of you. If you have to walk away from each other and count to ten so you remember how to be compassionate and understanding, walk away for a minute. It's okay.

Lesson 8: Violence will never be an option ever. You won't ever hit or push each other down. You won't ever use violent or degrading language. It's not ever okay to hit a woman, but it's also not ever okay to hit a man. No violence, walk away if you must.

Lesson 9: He probably won't remember that your favorite flowers are daisies and not daffodils. He will not ever in his life be able to read your mind, and you should never expect that he will. That isn't fair. You will have to express that you don't want to go to that restaurant or that you aren't interested in that movie, or else you will suffer in silence. Remember to communicate.

Lesson 10: He will always be there when you need him. He will be the first to hold you when you cry. He will be your knight in shining armor and defend you till the death. He will always reassure you when you're doubting yourself. He will be your rock, your steadfast foundation. You can count on him.

Lesson 11: He will make you stronger. He will love you for your flaws and imperfections, and he will help you fill those holes within yourself. He will show you just how much you can do.

 Your dad is an amazing man. When I doubt myself he never hesitates to reassure me. When I'm pretty sure that this certification is going to kill me, he gives me the confidence to put my whole heart into it. When I labored with you and I said, "I can't." he looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Yes you can." He was right next to me the entire time, even though he was exhausted. I will remember, even in my old age, his quiet, reassuring presence. Just by simply holding my hand he let me know that he would always be there to show me just how strong I am.

Finally, Lesson 12: For all of those little things that he does that will drive you crazy, there are at least twice as many little things he will do that take your breath away. It's in those quiet moments where intimacy makes its home. It's those little things that keep your passion on fire. He will not say the perfect thing all the time like the cute men in movies, but he will always make an imperfect situation a fond memory.

Your dad does the sweetest little things. I love that even though we have Friday nights set aside for a date, every week he ASKS if he can take me out. It's such a small act, but it means so much to me. I know that he will probably never come whisk me away on a horse on the beach, but he surprises me with random romance. He always kisses me goodbye, even when I am mad at him. He always asks me to drive safe even when I've just yelled at him. He always smiles when I come home. He asks to spend time alone with me.

And I know that even when he is away from us that he will always make me smile. He will always make me laugh. He will always make my heart flutter.

It is hard to be married. It is trying to live with someone else in your personal space. But it will be impossible for you to ever part.